On Behalf Of the 12 Million Infants & Toddlers: I Am Listening and Learning!

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I am hesitating even sending out this blog because of all the hurting going on in our nation. I am outraged. I am heartbroken. 

Did you know there are 12 million infants and toddlers in the United States?

Did you know the state where they are born and live during their first three years makes a big difference in their chance for a strong start in life?

Did you know that more than half (51%) of America’s babies are children of color?

The cutest and most innocent among us face big challenges. We must embrace the changing portrait of our nation’s babies and commit to end the racism that infects not only them, but us all. We can’t afford to squander the potential of a single child.

In that light, I am seeking out and listening very intently and carefully to voices of People of Color because the reality is we need to listen. After all, People of Color have been leading the fight for liberation for centuries. We need to follow their leadership and hear their voices to take the right next steps.

We all need restorative sleep to stay healthy and grounded. We need sleep so we can be patient and kind to one another during this incredibly emotional and challenging time in our nation. Because getting good sleep helps everyone sink into a more open and compassionate heart, I don't want to stop efforts to help tired parents.

Many parents are emailing me and are relying on the below information to help them solve their sleep struggles and they need the help RIGHT NOW.

So with deep compassion, I am following up on my promise to provide reliable information

In my Facebook Live from 5/28 I stayed for 1.5 hrs to answer every last question from all the exhausted parents that needed the right next steps to get some quality sleep. I have always promised to post the video so you can go back and listen and earn.

I will always send out the recording of the Facebook LIVE so here is the recording from 5/28/20. Some of the important topics I covered were.

• How to handle regressions.

• When do I know if I need to sleep train my child.

• How can I help my child sleep later in the morning.

Some of the resources I shared were:

Sleep Matters: Get your Ages and Stages Day & Night Sleep Guidelines

https://www.blissfulbabysleepcoaching.com/sleep-chart

Get Motivated for a Robust Training: Do’s & Dont’s: Understanding Everything About Sleep with your 6-15 month old.

https://www.blissfulbabysleepcoaching.com/sleep-in-2020

If you are in the mood to join me, I am going to do another session of GET YOUR LIFE BACK...IT STARTS WITH SLEEP on Thursday June 11 at 2pm PST.

Please don't hesitate to ask me about ANYTHING that has you confused about your child's sleep! Please submit this form Now so I can prepare a detailed answer for you.

Most importantly, please all lets take time to really open and hear the voices that matter right now.

In peace, justice, love and solidarity,

Joanna Clark of Blissful Baby Sleep Coaching

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDELx41-nmQ&w=560&h=315

The Difference Between Sleep Training and Sleep Coaching

Please know there is a BIG difference between SLEEP TRAINING and SLEEP COACHING!

The entire process of Gentle Sleep Coaching is about an evidence based, proven system to promote a gentle, reassuring, gradual change that results in healthy sleep habits.

Going to sleep independently and peacefully—and staying asleep—is a learned skill. As parents, we sometimes assume that sleeping is a developmental milestone that comes naturally, yet healthy sleep habits are a learned skill.  Like any skill, its mastery requires coaching, practice and time. We parents are coaches in countless ways every day, so it is perfectly appropriate to gently and safely coach your child on this skill, too. In teaching it, you give a lifelong gift to your child.

Sleep Coaching is NOT “this terrible awful thing.”

In fact, it is one of the most important and supportive actions you can provide to your child.

Below are some important reflections and revelations from a mother that successfully sleep coached her 18 month old daughter. She shares about overcoming the “sleep coaching bias” and judgments in “the mommy world”

“I was one of the moms that would never let my baby cry. If she hated being held by someone (and in my case, it was anyone besides me), I would take her back right away. I quit my job to be with her, I would do anything for her. I read all the books, and I mean all of them. I was active in a huge moms group and frequented parenting websites. 

I started to notice that there were different camps when it came to sleep. It felt very binary- either you let your child cry to sleep and ignored them all night no matter what happened, or you tended to every peep your child made and woke up 3 times a night til they went to kindergarten. I think this is a shame, and Joanna was a nice middle ground in a confusing sleep training world. 

I started to learn and understand that change is inevitable, uncomfortable, and good. And children are constantly changing.  My daughter might not like riding in a car seat, going to the doctor, learning to sleep, going to school, or being cared for by anyone except mommy, and she may cry because of these transitions. There is no way to avoid some discomfort, and sometimes short term discomfort is okay. Short term stress actually helps brain development. There is a big difference between a child being mad (“I don’t want to put myself to sleep! I want to breastfeed to sleep!”) and traumatized. I had to become comfortable with the fact that my child may be mad sometimes at necessary change, and that may lead to some crying. It was so obvious from the first day that my extremely sensitive daughter was not being traumatized by being taught to sleep, and I frankly resent that there was a huge group of people that pushed that message.

Not to say it wasn’t extremely hard. I had to leave the house. Even Joanna’s gentle methods were hard for me to handle, I had never done something my daughter didn’t like. I was so worried. But with a few weeks my daughter who used to wake up 5 times a night started sleeping 11 hours a night, and has never had issues since. She is growing better, she was in the 5th percentile for height and is now in the 75th. Her attitude is 100% better. My attitude is 100% better. And I came to realize my anxiety about her discomfort had been in the way of my daughter being as healthy and happy as she could be”

-Kate C. Austin, TX. Child was 18 months at time of guilt-free, gentle sleep coaching

Solve your child’s sleep struggles once and for all — so everyone finally sleeps again.

I help sleep-deprived families get where they need to be: well-rested.

There Is No Need To "Cry-It-Out"

I Offer Guilt-Free, Gentle Sleep Coaching

Easy and calm bedtimes, quiet, peaceful nights, reliable naps and confident parenting are yours.

With proven, evidence-based methods, an expert, signature process, and full-service support,

I help you tenderly teach the “skills of sleep” to your child.

I’ve Helped Over 800 Families Sleep Through The Night.

That’s More Than 2,400 Family Members Now Sleeping Better.

Let Me Help Your Whole Family Sleep Better, Too.

Click the button below to schedule a live 45 minute Sleep Strategy Session where you can gain expert insights into how to tackle the sleep struggles once and for all! (small fee applies)

I Want Sleep Now!

Mothers are Amazing and Astounding Human Beings!

Happy Mother's Day 2018!  As a pediatric sleep consultant, I work with mothers on a daily basis. I can in constant awe at a mother's ability to conjure bravery, wit, resourcefulness, resilience, kindness, compassion and generosity-of-heart even when extremely sleep-deprived.

On a daily basis, mothers pour their talents, their love, and their energy into the job of mothering and parenting. So On Mother's Day 2018, I honor you.  Please stop to offer yourself some well-deserved recognition. Please consider how many wonderful things you do for your family and your community on a daily basis.  Please take a moment to relish in the fact that you and all mothers are astounding and totally amazing human beings! 

Cheers!!! Happy Mother's Day!

This gem of a piece written with clever wit and honesty is worth the read. It was written by Kimberly Harrington (@honeystaysuper) is the author of “Amateur Hour: Motherhood in Essays and Swear Words,” from which this essay is excerpted

Posted in New York Times on April 27, 2018 https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/27/opinion/sunday/motherhood-job-description.html

Job Description for the Dumbest Job Ever

By Kimberly Harrington Ms. Harrington is a writer and mother in Vermont.

TITLE: Mother.

SUMMARY: This position manages to be of the utmost importance and yet somehow also the least visible and/or respected in the entire organization. You will enjoy a whole bunch of superficial attention and lip service from culture, advertisers and politicians, but will never receive a credible follow-up in the form of a concrete plan for advancement, support, benefits or retirement.

Please note: Although you will coordinate, plan and do almost everything, you should expect to crash face-first into bed every night feeling that you’ve accomplished basically nothing. Welcome!

KEY RESPONSIBILITIES: You will be responsible for literally everything, including but not limited to:

• Keeping co-workers alive.

• Related to the above, supervision of all possible hazards, including: electrical currents; water in all forms (baths, sheets of ice, swimming pools, Slip ‘N Slides, lakes, dodgy sprinklers, igloos); table corners; dogs that have food-sharing issues; uncut grapes; playground equipment; bees.

• Read every book about the job. Provide verbal CliffsNotes version to adult partner who apparently can’t read these same books although you know for a fact he’s a college graduate because that’s where you guys met. You actually studied together. He’s capable of reading, processing and retaining volumes upon volumes of complex information. Nevertheless. Observe verbal CliffsNotes go in one ear and out the other.

• Become unnaturally intrigued by what gets stains out of clothing, trade tips with other moms and hate yourself for it, bookmark stain chat blogs and hate yourself for it, share hot tips (sunlight! vinegar!) with your friends via text and hate yourself for it.

• Exercise more in less time and with greater difficulty than you ever have at any other point in your life. Expect marginal improvement. You can do it! Sort of!

• Prepare to assume the responsibilities of pets your co-workers have begged for and then subsequently abandoned. Steel yourself for spending $95 on a vet appointment for a pet mouse while you have no fewer than nine mousetraps lying in wait in your basement for her cousins. It’s a real “Upstairs Downstairs”-type situation.

• Plan company off-sites/“vacations.” Oversee reservations and coordination of overpriced rental minivan, multiple flights that will ultimately not work out, strange babysitters, creepy outdated tours you had a free coupon for, family-friendly restaurants where all human hope goes to die and other assorted details. Create packing list. Create shopping list. Create list for house sitter. Create list for pet sitter. Create list of reasons everyone should go on this godforsaken trip without you. Weep.

• Stay on trend but not too on trend with your clothing, if you know what we mean. Don’t look dowdy, but don’t look like you’re trying to dress like a teenager, for God’s sake. Wear things that are flattering but not too revealing. Bare shoulders are O.K. as long as the rest of your arms are fully sheathed. Bottom line: You’re culturally irrelevant — embrace it!

SUPERVISOR: This position reports to co-workers younger and less qualified than you. They will also have little regard for your personal space; may pull your shirt up in public; slap you on the bum (also in public); wonder aloud why your arms, legs and/or stomach are so “squishy”; and will not at all listen to your opinions. They may, on occasion, order you around and be clearly unappreciative of your efforts. You’re a woman; you should be used to this sort of thing in the workplace by now.

SKILLS AND EXPERIENCE: Nothing will prepare you for this. Not babysitting, not having a dog, and certainly not your childbirth class. Maybe get some sleep or eat chocolate-covered pretzels in your underpants?

TYPE OF EMPLOYMENT: This is a volunteer, unpaid, full-time job. If you have paid employment outside the home, this is still a full-time job. You will have to sort that out for yourself. The primary purpose of this position is to train your co-workers to become more competent, independent, well adjusted and successful than you. Don’t be afraid to occasionally whisper “Marry for money” to them when no one’s around. Who cares? Times change, love is fickle and working is hard.

HOW WE MEASURE SUCCESS: Success in this position — while prematurely announced by those who are currently breast-feeding 5-year-olds — may be accurately measured only roughly 10 or 20 or 30 years after your last co-worker has left his or her in-house position. Please note: Once your co-worker has moved on, you will no longer be allowed into a majority of his or her waking moments and certainly not the sleeping ones. Your former co-workers will typically not be terribly vocal about whether they feel your tenure was a success, or what they’re doing now on a day-to-day basis. Sometimes they won’t even tell you what they’ve had to eat or who they are with! Honestly, the feedback process and yearly reviews for this position are a nightmare, if they happen at all. Many employees find Thanksgiving to be an unusually popular time for performance reviews, but we do not recommend it.

SUMMARY: The primary purpose of this position is to train the people you love most in this world to leave you. Forever.

Told you it was dumb....by Kimberly Harrington (@honeystaysuper) is the author of “Amateur Hour: Motherhood in Essays and Swear Words,” from which this essay is excerpted.

Solve your child’s sleep struggles once and for all — so everyone finally sleeps again.

I help sleep-deprived families get where they need to be: well-rested.

There Is No Need To "Cry-It-Out"

I Offer Guilt-Free, Gentle Sleep Coaching

Easy and calm bedtimes, quiet, peaceful nights, reliable naps and confident parenting are yours.

With proven, evidence-based methods, an expert, signature process, and full-service support,

I help you tenderly teach the “skills of sleep” to your child.

I’ve Helped Over 800 Families Sleep Through The Night.

That’s More Than 2,400 Family Members Now Sleeping Better.

Let Me Help Your Whole Family Sleep Better, Too.

Click the button below to schedule a live 45 minute Sleep Strategy Session where you can gain expert insights into how to tackle the sleep struggles once and for all! (small fee applies)

I Want Sleep Now!

Good News!! The Evidence Is Confirmed: Sleep Coaching Is Safe and Restores Harmony to the Household

Got Kids? Need Sleep?: Evidence Proves Sleep Coaching Is Safe.....Its Time To Make Sleep A Priority for All Family Members.

All evidence is now confirming that all sleep coaching methods and interventions work to improve sleep. The studies have validated that there are no concerning levels of stress and cortisol. The studies have also confirmed that there are no negative long-term outcomes. This is great news because it now gives parents freedom to choose the RIGHT METHODOLOGY FOR THEIR PARENTING STYLE AND VALUES.  I personally prefer Gentle Sleep Coaching, which is also known as the Sleep Lady Shuffle or also known as Fading. Gentle Sleep Coaching is a proven methodology that offers parents the opportunity to be in the room with their child while offering verbal and physical assurances. Gentle Sleep Coaching has been proven to minimize tears and frustration. Gentle Sleep Coaching provides substantial Parent Education and insight into the temperament of their child and how that relates to sleep.  Peaceful Nights are Possible with the expertise of Joanna Clark of Blissful Baby Sleep Coaching, a trained and certified Gentle Sleep Coach. Below is an article form Aaron Carrroll,  Professor of Pediatrics at Indiana University School of Medicine that further explains the different sleep training methodologies and options.

Putting Your Baby to Sleep: Some Advice and Good News

Aaron E. Carroll is a professor of pediatrics at Indiana University School of Medicine who blogs on health research.

For many new parents, a baby who sleeps peacefully through the night is more aspiration than reality.

I remember thinking, after my pregnant wife’s water broke minutes after I went to bed, anguishing really, over one thought as we drove to the hospital: “I’m never going to be well rested again.”

If there’s one thing all new parents wish for, it’s a good night’s sleep.

Unfortunately, infants sometimes make that impossible. They wake up repeatedly, needing to be fed, changed and comforted. Eventually, they reach an age when they should sleep through the night. Some don’t, though. What to do with them continues to be a topic of a heated debate in parenting circles.

One camp believes that babies should be left to cry it out. These people place babies in their cribs at a certain time, after a certain routine, and don’t interfere until the next morning. No matter how much the babies scream or cry, parents ignore them. After all, if babies learn that tantrums lead to the appearance of a loved one, they will continue that behavior in the future. The official name for this approach is “Extinction.”

The downside, of course, is that it’s unbelievably stressful for parents. Many can’t do it. And not holding fast to the plan can make everything worse. Responding to an infant’s crying after an extended period of time makes the behavior harder to extinguish. To a baby, it’s like a slot machine that hits just as you’re ready to walk away; it makes you want to play more.

A modification of this strategy is known as “Graduated Extinction.” Parents allow their infant to cry it out for a longer period each night, until infants eventually put themselves to sleep. On the first night, for instance, parents might commit to not entering the baby’s room for five minutes. The next night, 10 minutes. Then 15, and so on. Or, they could increase the increments on progressive checks each night. When they do go in the room, it’s only to check and make sure the baby is O.K. — no picking up or comforting. This isn’t meant to be a reward for crying, but to allow parents to be assured that nothing is wrong

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There are pros and cons to the "family bed" solution, but I can tell you one thing from experience. Everyone sleeps. The baby doesn't have...

Another choice is “Bedtime Fading.” The point of this plan is to teach your children how to fall asleep on their own at bedtime, in the hope that if they develop this skill, when they wake up in the middle of the night they’ll choose to employ it rather than call for you. With fading, you temporarily set bedtime later than usual and preface it with a good bedtime routine. Your babies learn that bedtime is fun, and have little trouble falling asleep because they’re more tired than usual. Then you move their bedtime earlier and earlier, so that infants learn how to put themselves to sleep when they are less and less tired.

A fourth method is “Scheduled Awakenings.” In this method, a parent tries to disrupt spontaneous awakening by getting up in the middle of the night to wake children 15 to 30 minutes before they usually wake up on their own. They then help the baby fall back asleep. The scheduled awakenings are later phased out.

Of course, even with fading and scheduled awakenings, it’s possible that your baby will wake up in the middle of the night, screaming. Then you face a choice: Go to them or wait it out?

Some people always choose to comfort the child. They think that making a baby cry it out is inhumane and could even lead to psychological problems. Others feel that giving in to babies prevents them from learning needed skills and leads to later problems.

A final thing doctors can do is “Parental Education,” which is closer to prevention. It involves talking to parents about many of these options, especially training infants to fall asleep on their own, before problems develop.

As a pediatrician, the first thing I do with parents who are experiencing problems is calm them down. Sometimes it feels as if it will never go away, but I try to remind them that few teenagers have this issue. They go to bed fine, and if they wake up in the middle of the night, they go back to sleep without anyone’s help. This almost always, eventually, gets better.

On the other hand, I don’t want to minimize the short-term problems for parents. Nor do I want to do nothing. Sleep deprivation leads to significant and serious consequences in adults. A 2008 study published in Pediatrics found that mothers of infants with sleep problems, in which no intervention was tried, were more likely to report symptoms of clinical depression when their child was 2 years old. Sleep problems also lead to significant parental stress, and, potentially, physicalpunishment.

The good news is that almost all interventions work. In 2006, a systematic review was published in the journal Sleep that examined all the relevant research on the efficacy of these interventions. Ninety-four percent of the 52 reviewed studies found that the interventions led to improved sleep, and more than 80 percent of children who were treated improved significantly.

The strongest evidence supported the extinction method and parent education (i.e., prevention). Still, there was evidence that also supported the graduated extinction, fading and scheduled awakenings methods.

People become surprisingly heated about which method to use. This isn’t just because they think one works better than the other, but also because they think some are harmful. They worry about the long-term effects of some methods. Those concerns may be overblown, though. A small study published recently followed children who were randomly sorted to use graduated extinction, fading or parent education. Besides looking at the effectiveness of the intervention on sleep, researchers measured the cortisol hormone in infants’ saliva (as a measure of stress) as well as mothers’ moods and stress.

Again, all of the interventions worked to improve sleep. More important, none caused any concerning levels of stress. This confirmed the findings of two previous studies that found that infant sleep problems, and the interventions used to remedy them, do not predict long-term outcomes, even at 6 years of age.

Parents become stressed about infants who don’t sleep well. That’s understandable. What they don’t need to stress about is that fixing it will cause more harm or have long-term negative consequences. A good night’s sleep makes almost everything better.

Aaron E. Carroll is a professor of pediatrics at Indiana University School of Medicine who blogs on health research and policy at The Incidental Economist and makes videos at Healthcare Triage. Follow him on Twitter at @aaronecarroll.

Solve your child’s sleep struggles once and for all — so everyone finally sleeps again.

I help sleep-deprived families get where they need to be: well-rested.

There Is No Need To "Cry-It-Out"

I Offer Guilt-Free, Gentle Sleep Coaching

Easy and calm bedtimes, quiet, peaceful nights, reliable naps and confident parenting are yours.

With proven, evidence-based methods, an expert, signature process, and full-service support,

I help you tenderly teach the “skills of sleep” to your child.

I’ve Helped Over 800 Families Sleep Through The Night.

That’s More Than 2,400 Family Members Now Sleeping Better.

Let Me Help Your Whole Family Sleep Better, Too.

Click the button below to schedule a live 45 minute Sleep Strategy Session where you can gain expert insights into how to tackle the sleep struggles once and for all! (small fee applies)

I Want Sleep Now!